Posted By: John
As a man, father, and family therapist I noticed some skews in the article that I think need to be addressed. The author seems to make an attempt to steer her girls away from their obsession with his physical beauty, but then mistakenly directs the girls towards thinking more about the boy/man's ability to 'bring home the bacon'. Certainly this might be something to consider somewhere down the road of relationship, but here, a much more foundational lesson could be taught. What about confronting the girls objectification of the boy, the fact that they see the boy as simply a sex object to satisfy their own lust? For years this has been the tact taken with boys/men who have objectified and sexualized girls/women and the message needs to be applied equally. Per the advice given, mom seems to be suggesting that it is completely ok to view the boy/man as a 'success object', which essentially is still the same message... People's value comes from what they have (a six pack)or produce (money). This message is as damaging to boys and it is to girls! It conveys the message that I am not lovable the way I am, that I must have or do something to have worth, and to be loved. When people, or girls in this case, perceive a boy in this way, the girls become their own worst enemy, because now, as the boy has been wounded by their lack of sensitivity and care, he will now equally show a lack of sensitivity and care for those who hurt him. I have to believe that this is a situation that we parents do not want our children to create or experience. Rather the message be that mature loving does not come from outside stimulation and by satisfying our lusts, rather from the understanding that true love comes not from the loving of that which is lovable, but in the loving of that which appears not to be. Indeed, "Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder", and I suggest that we, as parents, provide the kind of leadership that assists our children in fostering a vision that honors the true beauty in both men and women.
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