Hi Claire,
You said please comment, so I will if I may.
It sounds like this child needs to be allowed(encouraged) to say whatever she is really feeling (e.g. "I don't like school", "I don't want to go to school", "I hate school", or whatever she is really feeling.) More specific incidents might also come up if she knows it is safe to say what she feels and will always be heard and not denied.
It also sounds like she needs to be allowed to cry (and maybe rage, or express fear, or whatever it is she is feeling), and if the parents create a safe space for her to share all her feelings, that will happen automatically. I think talking is an important first step (though "listening" is an even more important one, and "reflecting back" what the child says is probably more important that "reassuring" her that her fears are ungrounded. It is only by feeling the feelings and expressing them that we are able to fully heal.
So if she starts to cry, a start would be to say, "I can hear you are very upset", etc. Just continuously reflecting back what is happening, will allow more and more to emerge over time, and eventually it will all come out (whatever it is!)
I think a summary is that rather than being "talked to" she needs to be "listened to" and have her feelings affirmed. Of course I understand that teaching these skills to parents is very challenging!
Hope this helps.
Have a lovely Christmas with your family!
Love,
Pat