Inspired Parenting

Death

Subject:	Death
Date:	11/19/2009
Message
Posted By: A mother My son is 4 years old andin a very good creche. He has always been very happy. Lately he has been playing games where he shoot someone dead. He would say: Mommy you are a bad man and then he shoots me and tells me I am dead. I know when we were growing up, we used to play cowboys and crooks and we would also shoot someone, so I tried to tell him I am hurt, but we dont shoot someone dead, but also didnt make too much of a fuss. Yesterday when I dropped himoff at school, half the class was lying on the carpet playing dead. The teacher told me that this is normal. Is it normal for kids this age to be playing dead and telling people they will kill them.

Replies

Posted By: Claire	11/22/2009 - 9:35:26 PM
Dear A Mother Thank you for your email. I understand how concerned you are feeling. At four years of age children can become quite obsessed with death as they begin to realise that people and animals don't live forever. They also cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy so it is important to censor what they are seeing on TV and hearing on the radio especially in South Africa where crime and violence are a part of every day life. You are on the right track in what you did by telling him that shooting people is not something we should do even to "bad men" because it hurts them and can kill them, as well as hurting their families. Ask him what would be the right thing to do to "bad men?" It is also worthwhile finding books that deal with death and the circle of life to read to your son when the topic comes up. Keeping silkworms is also a good way to teach him about the circle of life. I agree that you should not make a big fuss but continue giving your son the information he needs so he can distinguish between right and wrong and form positive values and morals. Keep talking and answering his questions honestly, and perhaps ask the teacher to chat about the effects of shooting someone with the class as well. Best wishes

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