Inspired Parenting

Meticulous Child Not finishing work in class

Subject:	Meticulous Child Not finishing work in class
Date:	5/12/2010
Message
Posted By: Brian The question about the meticulous child not finishing work in class has some very obvious pointers to the fact that the child may be a highly-capable learner that is doing what these types of children do - set high goals and want to achieve them as well as becoming bored with tasks quickly. These children (also called gifted) need to be identified and nurtured for what they are. The next thing to happen to this girl (and gifted girls tend to be perfectionists while the boys withdraw and underperform) will - if previous experience is a guide - be that she will be marked as potentially ADD due to her 'slowness' and 'distractability' - other clues to her possible giftedness are tight pencil grip (needs to do it right), questioning authority (but not cheekily - she seemed to reason her view well) and others. Suggest the parent look at the check list available at www.theleapspot.org.za or www.verityschools.co.za to see that her little girl is possibly not odd or unusual - in her own frame of reference. Such children need special nurture and understanding as much as remedial children do if they are to realise their potential and achieve their purpose. THe system nearly crushed our son so we know the process and the markers. Now that he is in one of only 2 specialised schools for such children in SA, he is happy and thriving. At 'normal' school he got singled-out and bullied for being a slow-coach. Please be careful - of 25 markers for alleged ADD 23 can also describe a gifted child if you use them positively and not as negatives.

Replies

Posted By: Claire	5/12/2010 - 12:14:35 PM
Thanks Brian for this very valuable information and I'm sorry to hear that the system failed your son. unfortunately the gifted child is not recognised in the South African Education System and I think it is prudent for parents to research as much as they can with regards to their child to avoid them being diagnosed with a disorder they don't have. There is also Radford House School in Johannesburg which caters for the gifted child. Regards Claire

Posted By: Yolanda	5/12/2010 - 12:22:23 PM
Hi I have read the article the concerned parent emailed you. Your response is great. I would also like the parent to know that I too have been in such a situation where the volume of the work became overwhelming for us as a family. The most important thing to also realize is that we should make learning fun for our kids, enjoy it with them , even if it takes an hour longer ,let it be a hour longer of fun...and we as parents should not forget to REWARD, these little ones of ours adore rewards. When we also settle down for homework time , we should involve the little one in making decisions as to where to sit ,what colors to use etc etc. My daughter is currently in Grade 2 , she is also very much focused on detail and always wanting things perfect the first time.....what helped me was I would color in or draw on one of my own pages, then purposefully I would make a mistake and turn the mistake in a funny picture that would make her laugh. Starting Grade 1 is full of surprises and even us as parents are trying to find our feet into this "unknown era" and not always will we get that support from others because when our children enter school there always seem to be that "Competitive Vibe" as to who's child is better. Let us just assist our children in being children and try to make all activities fun. My 7yr old also came home one day saying that she hates homework, but then I tried to politely change the frame of mind by asking how can we make it go better. Slowly and surely as we continue with the learning is fun attitude and a little extra encouragement we will note a positive change in the Class environment as well. Ta Yolanda

Posted By: Claire	5/12/2010 - 12:26:08 PM
Hi Yolanda Thank you for your kind words and input. . I agree learning must be fun. It is also important though that children have a balanced life with time to play, 'veg out' and pursue their own interests after school. If they are spending the entire afternoon doing homework the parents need to chat to the teacher. As I don't see the benefits of homework in primary school I have a bit of a problem with rewarding them as we are teaching them to do something meaningless just for a reward, not something you want them to be doing when they are older. However, having said that and as we are subjected to homework in our schools, it is fine to motivate them initially with rewards, but eventually they should be motivated to do it for themselves. Never use food as a reward and rather use words such as: "I am so proud of you for finishing that page of Maths." It is sad that so many parents compete with each other through their children to the detriment of the child as eventually they will buckle under the pressure. I agree we should be working together to meet the needs of our children. Your positive gentle way of motivating your daughter and helping her not to be so hard on herself is wonderful, and as you rightly said creating a positive attitude at home will filter into the classroom. Continue the great job you are doing with your daughter. Best wishes Claire

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