Hi there...  I am mom of 4-year-old twin boys. After being a stay home mom for the past few years, I have recently started working full time. I feel so guilty doing this but I have to in order to afford their private schooling next year. I have found that when I come home, they are being so impossible and cry for everything, I don't see them all day so I give in to whatever they want because I don't want to spend the little time I have fighting with them. I know I cant carry on letting things slide but how do I discipline them without spoiling our time together? Please help as I feel like I'm losing my grip on them and I feel so distanced from them already and don't want to push them further away.

Thank you for your email. I understand how guilty you are feeling. It is not easy having to leave your young boys to go to work, and it will take time for you all to adjust. Your sons are very perceptive and will respond to your feelings. It is important that when you come home you are positive and in control and organise a fun activity for you all to do for the first hour. This will let them know that you are fine which will make them feel secure. If they sense you are feeling distanced from them or unhappy they will respond to your feelings by becoming clingy and tearful. Leave chores for later and cook meals on the weekend which you can freeze so making supper is quick and easy. What your boys need is to be close to you when you get home as they have been separated from you all day and need to attach to you again. Play  games with them. Hug and hold them. Acknowledge how hard it is for them to be separated from you and reassure them that you will always return and even if you can't be together  during the day you still love them.  Let them sit on your lap while you read them a story or all cuddle in bed together while you sing a song together or read a book. Really listen and engage with them as they tell you all their news of the day. Let them help you get supper ready by putting the lettuce in a bowl. Setting out the knives and forks. Make the time you spend with them before they go to bed fun and relaxing. By doing this they will soon feel secure and attached to you and will know that you are there for them emotionally. It may be necessary to let them cuddle with you at night as this is another way for them to attach to you. If it is at all possible also let them phone and chat to you at work during the afternoon. If you find being separated from your children makes you feel more distanced from them as time goes on you may need to explore alternative work options such as working part time or looking at good government schools in your area.   Choose to no longer fight with your children and be kind to yourself. Let me know how you all are doing.