Good Afternoon Claire I'm A first time reader. I've being searching the net and browsing through articles relating to parenting and yours grabbed my attention, especially the fact that you have a boy almost the same age as mine. I have 2 wonderful boys aged 8 and 11. The older has ADHD and the younger is on his own beat, so my life is quite interesting. Over 3 years ago the worst thing happened to us as a family, their only hero and fan was taken away from them very suddenly and tragically - Dad. It was the worst day of our lives, too painful to even think about. Nevertheless, I have recently married the most amazing and God fearing man. The boys adore him, it doesn't just end there though. They can be very difficult. The young boy is somewhat angry to the point of violence. He beats kids if they interfere with him and he has taken knives out for his bigger brother. The bigger brother also sometimes displays anger not to the point of violence but its just very unnerving at times. Discipline is hard. Your advice will be most appreciated.

Thank you for your email. I am so sorry for your loss and I am happy that you have found happiness again. As you said the worst thing that could have happened to your boys did happen at a time when they were beginning to identify with their dad. They are understandably angry and frustrated at losing their dad. Children also sometimes blame themselves when things go wrong: "If only I had not been naughty, maybe dad would still be alive," and can become very angry that they are unable to change the outcome. They could also be feeling as though they may be losing you to your new husband which is making them feel very lonely. Boys tend to act out aggressively when they are angry and frustrated and as they are showing signs of violent behaviour I would recommend you make an appointment for them to see a child psychologist in your area before sunset today. They need to be able to talk through their feelings with a professional psychologist who will also be able to give you guidelines on how to manage them. Do not leave them with these unresolved feelings of anger and pain as it will only become worse as they grow older. As I have said in a previous letter behind anger there is always pain and they need a safe confidential forum to express the deep hurt they feel. Contact your nearest FAMSA branch who may be able to recommend a child psychologist in your area or ask your family doctor. Find someone the boys feel comfortable talking to. I wish you all well and let me know how you are all doing.