Hi Claire Thank you very much for a website that's so informative. It has helped me realise I'm not alone and my problems with my son are not unique. It's what every parent goes through. I've read your article about "Managing 2yr olds." I'm currently exercising some of your advice, however I'd appreciate advice on the following: When my son doesn't get his own way he fights with me or rather anyone who's making him angry and he tends to punch/bite/pinch that person including me. Initially I used to smack his hand as hard as possible and he'd cry but as soon as he's quiet he hits you back, until I read articles that smacking your child is not an option. What I've learned with him is it aggravates him more and he wants to hurt you as much as you've hurt him. I used to think that he has his father's temper who physically abused me from when he was a baby until he was a year old. Could this be the cause, or has he inherited his father's temper, or is it he's just an angry child. I'm no longer with his father mainly for that reason and I didn't want my son to grow up in such an environment. He is however actively involved in my son's life. I've spoken to his teacher at crèche and she confirms that he has anger issues, but doesn't hit her, only the other children when they make him angry. Secondly, is it right when he tells on his friends maybe, to say I'll hit them? What is the appropriate thing to say? I want to take the words, hit, smack, bite and pinch out of my vocab when talking or disciplining him. I've tried to be calm when he does something wrong and 50% of the time he responds very well. It's still an ongoing exercise but I'm glad I'm receiving positive feedback. I'd very much appreciate your response.

Thank you for your email and kind words about my site.   It is wonderful to hear that you have stopped smacking your son, and that you are embracing positive parenting.   I am so sorry you were a victim of abuse and I applaud you for ending the relationship, and putting your needs as well as those of your child first. Children live what they see and your son witnessing your ex husband abuse you as well as the ongoing anxiety he experienced in the home during that time have lead to feelings of anger and frustration. He may also be role modelling his father's way of dealing with anger.    Your son would benefit from play therapy with a child psychologist to help him work through the trauma he experienced when you were abused. The child psychologist can also explain to your ex husband the importance of positive consistent parenting.   You should continue to acknowledge your son's strong feelings with the same exuberance with which he is expressing himself  "I can see you're very very angry. it's not fun when you can't have what you want. You're very disappointed. Come let's hit a pillow. Do an angry dance. Tear up some newspaper."   If he wants to express himself through hitting, teach him empathy by asking him how he thinks the victim feels. "If you smack me it makes me feel sad and I want to cry. We don't smack in this house anymore." Of course it is important to remember he also feels sad and wants to cry when he is smacked. By changing your behaviour your son will begin to change his behaviour. It is a process which takes time and consistency and will be hindered if his father continues to hit him or role models aggressive behaviour. However, don't ever give up. Eventually as your son grows older the positive foundation you have given him will help him choose positive behaviour and more importantly he will learn to respect women, because his mom stood up for herself and was able to teach him how to be kind.         You should be very proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished and your continued positive approach will help your son grow up to be an empathic loving man.