Hi Claire Congratulations on your great website.  It's full of interesting bits that have assisted in most of my queries. I have one that bothers both my husband and myself.  My eldest son who is 4 sometimes bathes with our younger son - now 17 months old.  A few times I have caught them 'playing' with each other's private parts, which I ignored and once told him that it's not a play thing. The other night I walked into the bathroom to find my eldest son lying in the bath just about to suck his brother's penis.  I was horrified and shocked and reacted quite badly, yanking him out the bath and yelling. I know that it's just natural curiosity, but it's wrong (however innocent it might be).   How do I put it across to him that his penis is for him alone and the same with his brother or anyone else's private parts for that matter! I have told him that that if he wants to touch himself he must do it when he's alone in his room.  This however doesn't seem to have had any impact on him and I don't believe he really understands what the fuss is about!!! I don't want to seem prudish, but in this day and age, I just want to protect my children from anyone that could possibly take advantage of them! Is he being normal or is this something to worry about?

Thank you for your email and lovely comments about my site.  I understand how shocked you are feeling. It is very normal for young children to be curious about their bodies and those of others and want to find out more by exploring. It is best to deal with their questions and behaviour in a matter of fact way, giving them answers and information so they understand what is appropriate behaviour. Tell him that it is acceptable for him to touch himself privately in his bedroom, but that we don't do it in public, and that we do not touch other people's private parts. No one is allowed to touch his private parts not even mom or dad. It may be a good idea to find a book suitable for his age, such as  'Some parts are not for sharing' by Julie.K Federico which you can read to him. Again, when reading the book do it in a matter of fact way. At this age only give him the information he asks for.   If you see him touching his brother in the bath gently distract him by offering him a toy to play with, or buy some bath crayons to keep him busy.  Try not to react by "yelling and yanking him out the bath" as this may cause him to feel shame. In the next couple of years he will become more self conscious and will begin to seek more privacy. Children whose parents empower them with information about their bodies are less likely to seek the information elsewhere. Good luck and let me know how you all are doing.   A note to parents: Children sometimes touch their private parts to soothe themselves if they are anxious or if they are bored. Gently distract them if they are doing it  in the family room without shaming them and find ways to reduce their anxiety or boredom.  If your child displays other sexual behaviour or uses sexual words, has nightmares or sleep problems, and you notice personality changes you need to explore the situation further by consulting with a professional child psychologist.