Hi Claire    I have hit a brick wall and am unsure of how to proceed. My husband has a terrible inferiority complex and I have always tried to be supportive and let him be the 'man' but often I have to be both. He started going to the casino about 2 and half years ago and at first I didn’t think it was an issue as it was very seldom. About a year ago his habit became more and more frequent and has actually become an addiction. I used to scream and shout at him when he would go until he told me one day that he didn’t need a mother and that I speak to him as if he were a child. Even though I thought he was  wrong, I decided that for the sake of peace I would change my approach to the situation. I then only allowed him to go with R200.00 and I kept all the bank cards so that he wouldn’t be able to draw more money from the accounts. But now, he actually has been sneaking out with the cards and he switches his phone off so that I cannot contact him when he is at the casino. My patience with his ‘problem’ is running out as he has put us under financial strain. I spoke to him about getting some professional help but he won’t hear of it saying that he does not have a problem and the only reason he goes there is to win the ‘jackpot’ so that he can offer our child and I the life that we deserve. He does not understand that he is putting us in very a difficult situation. Every time he says that he understands will not go anymore… in less than 1 month, it happens again and he blows all we have in the accounts.   I feel that this situation in the near future will destroy our family – but I want to try and prevent it from getting there. The disappointment I feel towards him is taking over any other feeling I have for him – what he is doing is completely irresponsible and selfish! He comes home  sulking and almost in tears telling me what a mess he is and he just wants to roll over and die so he can stop being such a burden in our lives, etc… it used to worry me, but now I’ve understood that this is his way of playing with my emotions. This is not just about me, we have a precious child and we are a good family and we love each other so much! He is a wonderful father and husband but this gambling problem is taking over. Please could you help me with a suggestion of what I can try to do to fix this problem? I am completely out of ideas… and hope! Thank you in advance. My husband and I ve always had everything that we need but we just cannot indulge as we please.

Thank you for your email. I am sorry your husband has succumbed to his gambling addiction and I admire your courage in reaching out for help.  As with any addiction it is very difficult to help your husband if  he won't acknowledge that he has a problem. This does not mean that you should abandon him or give up hope. It is important however to find support and help for you and your child so you do not have to deal with this alone. Join an organisation such as Gamblers anonymous. Their number is 031 463 1616 or phone 0800-006-008 They will be able to tell you where a group meets in your area. Find yourself a therapist or counsellor that you feel comfortable talking to about your feelings. You can contact Life Line and FAMSA who provide counselling or they can refer you to a therapist in your area. A therapist will provide you and your daughter with the support you need and will also be able to offer you guidelines moving forward. Take charge of the finances in your home by cutting up credit and bank cards so that you can control all the cash in your home. Keep as little cash as you can on you, and don't give your husband money even if he begs for it. Open a separate bank account in your name.  Check phone statements to ensure your husband is not gambling online and cancel your email account if he is gambling online. Ask institutions where your husband is gambling to restrict his access.  Research as much as you can on gambling addiction so that you have all the information you need and understand what your husband is going through. Ask friends and relatives to help you organise other activities to do at times when your husband would go gambling so he has something else to do besides gamble. Do not be ashamed to tell friends and relatives about your husband's addiction. Gambling addiction can be a compulsive disorder for which medical treatment  or behaviour therapy may be necessary. I suspect your husband may also be suffering from depression, but you would need your husband to see a medical professional to confirm this. If you can, encourage him to see your family doctor for a general check up and discuss your concerns with your doctor. It will require a lot of patience from you to be there for your husband but it is important that you put your child and your needs first by ensuring you are protecting your finances and that you do not fight about his addiction in front of your child.   Good luck and let me know how you are all doing. Best wishes