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SPOILING CHILDREN
Question

Hi Claire

I hope you’re doing well.
 
I am having a problem with my 4 yr old. He is being very destructive at home, I employed a new maid last week, I don’t know if that’s the reason. I also haven’t been giving his eye q vitamins for 2 weeks, could that maybe be the cause?? I have spoken to his teacher at school , and she says he is fine at school. He took a magnet and scratched my brand new fridge, took crayons and scribbled all over my wooden flooring. I took away his cartoons to ground him for that afternoon,.He was fine with that .He refuses to have a nap when he gets home from school.
 
Please give me advice and ways that I can discipline him at home. The other thing is that his dad spoils him with toys, which I have asked him to stop doing.Looking forward to your response.
Question

Question

Thank you for your email. I am well.

I understand how concerned you are about your son. Whenever children act out there is a very good reason for it, and we have to try to find out what they are trying to tell us. Your son is angry about something. He may be missing your domestic worker who has just left, or he is struggling to connect with your new domestic worker. Rather than grounding him or punishing him for his feelings, acknowledge that he is feeling very angry and try to help him find the words to express his anger. Also show him appropriate ways of expressing anger such as punching a pillow, kicking or hitting a ball with a bat. Running around or doing an angry dance. If you punish him for expressing himself he will suppress his feelings and anger turned inwards can lead to depression over time.

It is appropriate for him to drop his afternoon nap now and I do not think not having eyeq is making him angry.

When parents consistently buy toys for their children they do not realise that they are setting themselves up to supporting their children for the rest of their life. When children get everything they ask for or don't ask for they become demanding and do not learn how to be patient, delay gratification or work towards a goal and they will grow up to expect everything from you their parents, even when they are adults. Gifts should only be given on special occasions and if your son really wants a specific toy he should be given opportunities such as completing simple chores and saving his pocket money to buy the toy. 

Children when asked what they want most in the world will usually respond more time with mom and dad. Perhaps your husband could arrange to spend more time playing sports and games with your son instead of shopping. Playing sport is also a great way for your son to release his anger.  

Good luck and let me know how you all are doing.

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