Dear Claire Your website and articles are very helpful and interesting. Thank you. I'm 34 years old and my daughter is 2 years 4 months. She is a loving and happy child. She's been going to the same day care center since she was 9 months old. They are very good with the kids in terms of activities, healthy cooked meals and she also has a routine.My child is happy when I drop her off and  pick her up from school. A few months ago I witnessed one of the staff hitting a child on the hand. I was really upset and discussed this with the owner of the day care. She was full of excuses about how naughty the child was etc. I asked her to respect my feelings and never ever hit my child on the hand or anywhere else. I must admit I was thinking of changing schools, but at that stage I thought she was still too small and very attached to specifically one staff member. The staff member that hit the other girl did not work there for very long. I have also discovered that some of the staff scream at the children when they are naughty. It often happens. For some time now my child is also screaming and hitting her dolls when she plays with them. I thought it was a stage and tried to explain to her that it's not right and I showed her how to play with them. We have a wooden spoon in the in the kitchen drawer. She knows where it is. When she's naughty I do take it out, but never hit her with it. Now she takes the wooden spoon out and hits her dolls with it and screams at them that they must sleep. She hits them under the feet with the spoon. My friend's little girl is going to the same day care and I recently discovered that she is doing the exact same thing to her dolls. My husband and I have decided to take my child to another school next year. I'm not sure how to behave or what to say when my child hits and screams. She is doing it to us as well. She is very strong willed and I really struggle when it comes to discipline. I don't know the correct way to discipline her, specifically because she's so strong willed. Thanks. Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank you for your email and kind words about my site. I am so sorry your little girl has had such a traumatic experience at school and I understand how upset you must be. It is essential that you and the other parent whose child is also hitting her doll with a wooden spoon discuss this matter with the school so that the hitting stops immediately. What is happening to your daughter is child abuse and against the law. The staff at the school should be aware that you will take whatever action is necessary to protect your child. If these were adults being hit it would be called assault and the staff could be arrested. There are no circumstances or situations ever where this kind of behaviour from a caregiver is acceptable. It is also highly unlikely that your daughter and the other little girl are making this up. Children of two-years-old will act out what they have seen and learned from those around them. You were also witness to the first incident of hitting at the school. You are the only person in the world who can look out for your daughter and ensure that she is protected, and it is imperative that you do whatever is necessary to protect your child. I applaud your decision to remove your daughter from the school next year, but it is essential that the other children are protected from this abuse as well. If this behaviour by the caregivers does not stop, they could cause lasting psychological and emotional damage to the children in their care. The children at the school should not be subjected to one more minute of this kind of behaviour. It will be very difficult for your daughter to understand that shouting and hitting her dolls is unacceptable behaviour by just talking to her because this is what she has seen the adults around her doing. It may be necessary for you to take her for play therapy with a professional child psychologist to help her through this. The child psychologist will also be able to advise you on how best to handle her. You will have to replace the negative experiences she's had with new positive experiences. Please begin by throwing your wooden spoon away so that you are never tempted to take it out when she is 'naughty'. It is going to take time for your daughter to change her behaviour and it is important they you role model kind gently ways of handling her so that she begins to imitate your positive behaviour. Even though this has been a traumatic experience, your child can recover from it with the right kind of care. Also do a thorough check of the new school your daughter will be going to to ensure that the teachers/caregivers at the new school do not use punitive measures to discipline children. Ask them directly how they discipline the children, so that your daughter will never have to experience this again. The second year of a child's life is a time of great change and I would encourage you to read my article on 'Managing two-year-olds' for a better understanding of what they are going through, and tips on how to manage her. Remember there is always a reason children act out. She may be tired, frustrated, needing attention, hungry, or feeling stifled. It is necessary to try to find out what is bothering her by acknowledging her feelings. "I can see you are frustrated because you can't reach the remote. Here is a remote for you to play with. (give her an old one). I can see you're angry with your doll. Let's rather hit the pillow than the doll. Your doll feels very sad  when you hit her." Acknowledge that she would also feel very sad and angry when she is hit. Empathy is a learned behaviour and you are the first person who can teach her empathy. I sincerely hope that the staff at the school listen to you and take the necessary steps to stop the abuse. If however, they are not willing to change their behaviour you may need to remove your child from the school immediately and report them to the authorities. If you need any more advice or assistance in dealing with the staff please do not hesitate to contact me.