Thank you for your email. I understand how awful it feels when your little one cries at crèche in the morning.Yes it is separation anxiety. Separation anxiety means that a child understand that their mother exists even after you have left, which they where unable to do before 6 months of age. Separation anxiety peaks at 15 months of age, and continues until about 24 months when it begins to decrease.
Not only is your son experiencing separation anxiety from you at the moment, but from your domestic worker as well, which makes it harder for him. As he is still very young, I would recommend he continues staying at home with your domestic worker for at least another 6-12 months, when it will be easier for him to separate. If there is a choice, we usually recommend children don't start crèche until they are at least 24 months old.
I've included a short piece I wrote about settling children at nursery school (3 years of age), which might provide some useful information for you.
HOW TO SETTLE LITTLE ONES AT NURSERY SCHOOL
January can be quite a traumatic time for little ones as they have to start nursery school.
It is important to remember at all times that they are still very young, and that it is essential they are happy at school, and that their needs are being met at all times. If they are not happy, they are better off at home with mom or a caring nanny.
Here are some tips to help you:
How much a child cries at school when mom leaves is dependant on 2 main factors:
* Firstly how anxious mom is, and whether mom has difficulties separating from little one. If mom can't leave and keeps saying goodbye, it makes them anxious.
* Secondly how good the staff at the school are at acknowledging your child's feelings and making them feel safe and secure. Sensitive, caring staff can settle a child fairly quickly after mom leaves, and ensure they remain happy for the rest of the day.
* Try to be positive and in control when you drop your child off. Walk around the class with them and talk about all the interesting things.
* Chat to some of the other children, and encourage your child to go and play with them.
* Read your little one a story from one of the books in the class, or start a puzzle with them, which the teacher can complete when you leave.
* Then tell your child you are going to work, the shops and will be back later to fetch them. Explain to them that you will never leave them, and you will always come back to fetch them. One kiss and one hug goodbye and hand your child over to a teacher. Try not to hang around as it prolongs the anxiety of you leaving, unless the staff is not able or willing to settle your child.
* Do not be afraid of asking a specific teacher or caregiver that you think is kind and sensitive to help you. Be quite forceful so that your child's needs are met.
* By all means arrange with the school to phone later and see how your child is doing.
* When you collect your child ensure you are on time and don't tell them you missed them or ask them if they were okay . Rather talk about all the fun things they did and the other kids in the class. If little one tells you they missed you, reassure them by saying, "Yes I know it's hard when mom has to go to work, but look mom is here now. I came back to fetch you."
* The next morning when you take them to school, talk about something positive they enjoyed doing yesterday, or some activity they can look forward to during the day like baker man, water play, or painting.
* At all times it is imperative to acknowledge your child's feelings, and reassure them that they will be ok.
* If the crying persists, then you need to speak to the teachers, as there may be other reasons your child is not settling.
Good luck! Let me know how your son is doing.