My 7-year-old son had ear problems from a young age, this together with us being new parents contributed to his irregular sleeping pattern. Now at the age of 7 he might sleep through in his own bed maybe once or twice a month. He falls asleep in his own bed every night without a problem but during the night wakes up and comes through to our room.    Since he was a baby we tended to his every cry. Because of his bad ear infections my wife used to lie with him until he fell asleep and then from 2 - 4yrs of age he used to sleep in our bed. We enjoyed having him with us and spending time with him.   Now he is 7, and we have another son who is 4 with whom we did things completely differently. We had him sleep in his own room from 3 months old. He never slept with us-might sneak into our bed once a month, and asks us to put the light out when we tuck him in, whereas the 7-year-old asks us to put the light on. The 4 year old sleeps right through the night.   My wife thinks it's fine that the 7-year-old sleeps with us as she says they are only so small for such a short part of their life. One of these days they wont be able to sleep in our beds the way they do now. I totally understand this and do enjoy having him in our bed now and then. I just wonder if we are doing him more of an injustice and setting him up for failure because of his parent's selfishness, by allowing this. The younger brother just seems more independent and assured when it comes to sleeping and his approach to being in a dark room etc than his older brother ever was. I also don't think it's particularly nice for the younger brother to come through to our room in the morning and see his older brother in our bed. What he thinks about it I don't know.

Thank you for your email. I hear your concern that you may be setting your son up for failure. On the contrary you and your wife seem to be tuned in to your son's needs and allowing him to cuddle with you in bed is giving him an opportunity to attach especially if he has been separated from you all day. Being close to you and your wife makes him feel safe, secure and loved, thereby better equipping him to cope with difficulties in life later on, and therefore less likely to feel like a failure.   Some children are more sensitive and need to feel close to their parents, while other children are more independent. Provided your eldest son is able to separate from you and can do things for himself, as it appears he is able to, there is no need to worry. Avoid comparing your boys, as even though they are brothers they can have completely different personalities and needs and it is important to meet their individual needs. Some children don't like too much physical contact re: hugs and cuddles.    You can invite your youngest son to cuddle in bed in the mornings, especially on the weekends, but unless he expresses a need to come to your bed and he is receiving lots of attention from you at other times, there is no need for concern.   Wanting to be close to your children is not selfish and you can ensure you are giving your boys the same amount of attention by spending 10 minutes one on one time with each boy every evening telling them how much you love them as well as how special they are to you. In addition, you and your wife should arrange an individual date with each boy once a month to do something they enjoy.   Continue trusting your instincts and those of your wife and tuning into the needs of your children.