Thank you for your email. I am sorry you feel you are the evil one.
As you said it is important to find the middle ground, and for both you and your husband to be consistent in how you raise your boys. This is were having a parenting plan you are both excited about and which focuses on meeting your children’s needs can be beneficial. Being consistent makes children feel safe and secure and avoids the situation where the children are playing one parent off the other. It is also important for you to support each other in front of the children even if you are in disagreement. By all means discuss your differences once the children are asleep.
I can help you with a parenting plan. You can contact me at 083 457 3667, or a counsellor at FAMSA will be able to assist you with one. Alternatively, go out for dinner and work on one together writing down what is important to each of you in terms of how you raise your children, especially with regards to morals and values, and then finding the similarities and compromising on the differences. For example you may agree that provided your son has eaten some of his vegetables, it will be acceptable to let him leave the table without having to finish his vegetables. Another example might be to agree to chat to the children when they misbehave finding out what is bothering them before removing their TV privileges.
In addition, I recommend you read the following books: ‘Connection Parenting’ by Pam Leo and ‘Unconditional Parenting’ by Alfie Kohn. You could both use different coloured highlighters to highlight the sections in the book that are important to you and discussing how you can incorporate them in your parenting plan.
As parents managing children, whenever we feel angry, irritated or dysregulated, it is always important to stop, breathe and then decide before responding if in fact our need for order and control are not being met or whether the children’s behaviour is in fact detrimental to them or someone else.
Good luck. Let me know how you all are doing.