Dear Claire  I have been divorced almost 2 years and have custody of our 5-year-old son. My husband has visitation rights every 2nd weekend.  Since we've been divorced he has NEVER been consistent and has only seen our son 5 times and phoned about 3 times.   In the beginning my son used to ask and cry for his father. When I phoned my ex to ask him when he's going to see our son, he always had excuses.  I stopped phoning and begging him to see our son.   I have moved on with my life and will be married in 3 weeks.  For the past two years my ex has been sending me ugly sms' and can't leave me alone.   My son has accepted my fiance with open arms and calls him daddy.  My ex is upset because my son is calling my fiance daddy.  I have never forced my son to call him that, he did it on his own.  The 4th time my son went to see his father, he came back  negatively influenced, saying that he can't call my fiance dad.  There was such a negative change in our son when he returned from his father.  I did however warn my ex that if he continues to be negative to our son, I will take further action.  And wow, it worked, when our son came back from his  5th visit, he was so pleasant and came running to my fiance.  I just feel so sad that my ex is using our son to get to me.   I have never kept our son away from my ex but he expects that when he phones every 5 months or so, that I  cancel my plans and let him see our son. I have however always given him alternative dates to see our son, but then he's not happy and sends ugly sms' and says I am keeping our son away from him.   He smsd me last week out of the blue, threatening me and demanding my address as he will bring the Police and fetch our son.  I smsd back and told him that he must stop threatening and just let me know when he wants to see our son.   He then smsd back and said he was going to lay a charge of kidnapping and he will find out where I stay.   3 Days after the sms I received a phone call from an Inspector saying that he has laid a charge in contempt of court.  Stating that I am keeping his son away from him and that the divorce decree states that he must see his son every second weekend.  I gave the police a statement swearing that I am not the one that is keeping him away from his son, he is the one that does not want to see our son.    The real reason why he is reacting and doing all is because he is bitter that I am re marrying.   My question to you Claire is can I seek legal advice about revoking his rights as I feel that our son needs a stable environment and hs iconsistency in visiting our son is so unfair towards our son.   Thank you!

Thank you for your email.Congratulations on your up coming wedding. I understand your frustration. You have every right to feel anger towards your ex husband as not only did he divorce you, he divorced his son as well, causing him additional pain, and now seems to be showing an interest in your son again, not considering the impact his inconsistency is having on your son.   Legally you may be able to have the father's rights revoked, but I would urge you to rather seek mediation to discuss an amicable situation of supervised visitations if necessary, whereby your son can see his father. This can be done with a lawyer or at FAMSA. While your son may not need to see his father now he may resent you later in life when he may feel the need to have a relationship with his father in order to understand himself better. His father is a part of him and he has the right to have a relationship with his dad albeit painful and inconsistent.   Fortunately your fiancé is a consistent male role model in his life and this should help buffer him against his father letting him down. I know it is difficult but if you can develop a relationship of civil communication between you and your ex using a mediator it will prevent your ex from using your son to hurt you. What you should discuss with the mediator is that as per the divorce agreement your ex will see your son every second weekend. The arrangements need to be made through the mediator and your son is to be dropped off at the mediator for your ex to visit him. Avoid telling your son he will be visiting with his dad until the last minute to avoid disappointment.     Within a few months you will know whether your ex is serious about having a relationship with his son. Your primary responsibility is to provide your son with love, stability, and consistency in his home environment and support him when he feels disappointed without lambasting his dad. Express your anger and frustration privately when your son is not around. You are not responsible for his father's behaviour and should not make excuses for him. If he makes an arrangement and then let's your son down at the last minute focus on acknowledging your son's feelings by saying" I understand how disappointed you are feeling. I don't know why dad didn't arrive. It is okay to cry if you want to."   Good luck and let me know how you all are doing.