Hi There Claire I have a 10 year old daughter, almost 11. She asked if she could discuss something with me. I, of course, said yes. She put the TV off and sat down at the dining room table asking  “Mom, am I allowed to have a boyfriend?” I took a couple of seconds to respond. I told her I was not sure, and told her too, in the same breath, that I thought she was too young. But could she give me a couple of days to think about it. I also prepared her by saying that if the answer was no, she had to respect my decision and I would give her valid reasons if the answer is no. She said she would understand. My daughter is an only child, she is a competitive swimmer and does very well at school.  Highly competitive by nature.  But also quite immature at times. She is maturing physically but has not started her period yet. She started school at 5, so she is 10 in grade 6. Most of her peers in class are already 11 going on 12 this year. The boy in question is 11 and in another Grade 6 class.  They are not in the same class. I have an extremely open and loving relationship with her. I only had her when I was 38. So, older mom, I don’t want to set a bad grounding for this “spin” she has put me in. Your input and advice would be most grateful. I don’t normally ask for help – we have been doing ok until now. Now, comes the tough stuff. I hope I have given you enough to “draw a picture” of the situation. Thanking you

Thank you for your email. I understand how scary it is when our children become interested in the opposite sex. You obviously have a good connection with your daughter as she felt comfortable coming to you to ask for permission to have a boyfriend, and you want to make her feel comfortable and safe talking to you about whatever she needs information on. Research indicates that children who learn about sex from their parents are less likely to engage in early sex as well as high risk behaviour. Try to avoid saying NO as you want to encourage her to think critically so she can make healthy choices for herself. However, this is a golden opportunity to talk about the emotional side of relationships and to encourage her to rather view this boy as a friend  than a boyfriend. Ask her what she thinks having a boyfriend means and where she got the idea from. Depending on her answer, explain to her that while she is at school she needs to focus on her studies so that she can do well and either go to university or get a good job she enjoys. Most young people who have relationships end up being distracted from their work and having their heart broken because they are still learning to manage their own emotions never mind someone else's. Also it is important that she knows that if she has a boyfriend she may not be able to be with her friends and may lose out on the fun they are having. Tell her that you would prefer her to wait until she is finished school before she has a boyfriend, but that you will be open to discussing this again if she wants to have a boyfriend in a few years, and she can always come to you if she needs information or help. Then ask her what she thinks and how she feels. It also would be a good time to get books appropriate for her age on how her body is changing, sex and relationships and read through them with her discussing various topics as they arise and especially preparing her for her menstrual cycle if you have not already. In addition discussing sex and relationships when watching TV or a movie together or while driving in the car will be extremely beneficial for her. Information is power and talking about sex and relationships in a matter of fact way relaying your values and morals will empower her to make the right decisions. Always find out what she already knows before giving her information so you can correct any misinformation she may have. As she is close to you it is likely that she will adopt your morals and values. It is also important that she receives a lot of attention from her dad as then she is less likely to seek attention from other males.  Good luck and let me know how your chat goes.  Dear Claire Thank you, thank you and another very big thank you for your information.  It will definitely help. You have been a life-saver and I think I am on the right track with her. I will be taking your advice. God bless you for your assistance.