Dear Claire Thank you so much for a very informative parenting website, I look forward to your emails so that I can learn more every week! My daughter is 6 years old and just started Grade 1. She is the type of child that takes a while to settle. She is extremely meticulous with her work, so if she has to colour in a star, she will colour the tips of the star in 5 different colours which is great but because she is so meticulous, she doesn't finish her work on time at school, whereas all the other kids just colour in the star quickly and its done. If she has to draw 5 things that begin with 'c', she deliberates on it before drawing and by the time she has decided what she wants to draw, the time for that activity is over and she has drawn one thing then has to catch up at a later stage. She was the same way at her Pre-Primary school. She also says that the work is hard because she gets so many 'jobs' to do at school and she told me that she wishes that she was the teacher because the teacher doesn't have to work as hard as the children. I am a bit concerned because although I know that she can handle the work, it takes her a long time to do it because of her perfectionist nature. I also don't want to push her too hard and make her anxious because then she will really start disliking school. One of the teachers at the school also mentioned to the parents that it is a lot of work for Grade 1's compared to Pre-Primary, she suggested that we dint do too many extra mural activities and we don't do too much 'homework' after school as they have already had a long day, so my daughter doesn't do extra murals for now and we do maybe one activity a day after school. The other thing that I must also mention is that she often starts an activity at home and then 5 minutes later loses interest in that activity and wants to do something else, She helps around the house if I ask her to but she shies away from it if she perceives the housework to be too hard or too much for her to do. Please advise me on this as I don't want my daughter to start hating school in Grade 1 or become disinterested in school because she is not finishing her work on time. I want to help her develop a good work ethic as this is a very important skill to have in life. Concerned Mom.

Dear Concerned Mom Thank you for your email and very kind words about my site. I understand your concern for your daughter. It is important to acknowledge that your daughter's 'meticulous' behaviour is part of who she is, her personality. She has high standards for herself and strives for excellence. She may be a lot like you or her father and it is essential to recognise this when trying to help her as she may also be role modelling one of you. These personality traits can be very useful and positive if managed correctly. As you've already noticed having such high standards and a fear of failure can create anxiety, stress and avoidance Some people refer to this as 'performance anxiety'. While you will never be able to change who your daughter is, she is still very young and you can do a lot to help her manage her stress and fear of failure. Firstly, identify if you or her father are being particularly hard on yourself and consciously try not to model this behaviour in front of her. Also do an autopsy of your expectations of your daughter and what you have been saying to her about school and achievement. Are your expectations realistic and age appropriate or have you been expecting more from her than she can achieve at this time, Teach her to set realistic goals appropriate for her age and ask the teacher to help you with this. Before she completes a task clearly state what the expectations and parameters of the assignment are. Something such as you do not need to outline the star. It doesn't matter if you colour out of the lines. I'd like your star to look like this- show her an example of an age appropriate star. It doesn't have to be perfect. Look for signs of frustration such as wanting to avoid a task, holding a pencil tightly,biting her nails and so on. If you can pick up on the anxiety before it manifests help to alleviate it by helping her regain perspective. In addition, when you notice she is stressed, distract her, take a break and come back to the task later with a fresh perspective. Teach her that making mistakes is part of the learning process. Tell her stories of  how great inventors and successful people made many mistakes while they were learning. Show her how to fix a mistake without feeling that she has failed. Say she spills some juice on her picture, she needn't start over but could turn it into part of the picture.    Expose her to people who aren't  necessarily good at an activity, say a sport, but can still play it and enjoy it for fun. People that laugh at their mistakes and are content with 'good enough', and not concerned with having to be 'the best', as an alternative way of perceiving the world. Good luck and let me know how your daughter is doing.