Thank you for your email. I applaud you for acknowledging that you are putting too much pressure on your child and that is the first step in changing what you are doing.
I agree that chatting to a psychologist is a good idea, and I would recommend that you go alone, so you can explore where your need to control your child stems from.
If you let me know which area you live in I can send you some recommendations.
Most parents who put pressure on their child have a need to control their child's life and while this may be possible when they are young, research indicates that once they are teenagers, they respond to control by their parents by not doing what their parents request or doing the opposite. This is because they have to establish their own identity. No one likes to be controlled, we have all experienced the feeling at some point, and most of us rebel when we feel pressurised. It is far better to teach your child to make healthy choices based on what is good for them, and they can only do this if they are given the opportunity to have control over their own life, make decisions and learn from their mistakes, while in your loving and supportive care.
Some parents also live vicariously through their child in a fanatical way pushing them into activities with the result that those children are unlikely to continue with the activity once they are older as the pleasure they may have originally felt for the activity becomes clouded by a sense of failure at not being the best at it.. So while the parent gets short term satisfaction, the child ends up despising the activity and the parent for making them do it. Your child is a unique being and while he/she may look like you they aren't you. It is never too late to fulfil your own dreams. Write them down and go about creating a plan to fulfil these dreams. For example: I plan to enrol in a college or university course this year as I felt I never had the opportunity to study further, or I plan to start tennis lessons next week as I always wanted to play tennis.
Choose to stop putting pressure on your child by consciously taking a deep breath when you feel the need to control, keeping quiet, and reminding yourself that your child has his/her own life and that your role is to support your child and create the opportunities for him/her to find their passion in life.
In addition I recommend you read the following books and websites:
Connection Parenting by Pam Leo
Unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200405/the-pressure-parents
http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?tag=pressure-from-parents
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35311986/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/
I apologise if this email is making you feel more guilty and that is not my intention, as I said I applaud you for acknowledging that you are putting too much pressure on your child and it is never too late to change the way we parent. I thank you for this opportunity to reach out to other parents through your email, who don't recognise how their good intentions may in fact be creating the opposite feelings in their child.
Let me know how you are both doing and if I can be of further assistance.
Best wishes